Eyes being opened can be a bit like 20/20 vision or hindsight. A different way of seeing things than we experienced before. Which can be felt both as a good feeling and a bad one. For example, my friend wasn’t on board with feeling excited about his new son-in-law. I thought he was missing what a great guy he was and felt bad for everyone that my friend didn’t agree. Perhaps nobody would be quite good enough for his daughter. Of course her last choices had not been exemplary. But I really thought this one was close enough. Not perfect, nobody is. But lately, my eyes have been opened enough to see what my friend may have seen that he didn’t like. Again, nobody is perfect and we all have things we are here to learn and ways in which we can grow and change. If we waited around for the person who always made healthy choices and engaged in ways of being which were always appropriate, we would never partner up. This is probably why love is blind.
But now I see that my own judgement toward my friend was unfair as he could clearly see some things which I didn’t. And I feel like I can read people fairly well. So when I witnessed several different things recently that clued me into another perspective, I was able to look at my own assessment as just that - my assessment. This allowed what was seen by another, which I had missed, as another possibility with some truth embedded in it.
This experience was perfect to help me remember that my view is just one view, from one vantage point. Things are likely to be missed. In fact it is inevitable because by definition our vantage point eliminates other vantage points. Simply looking out of our own eyes, even if we can turn our head, we see only what we can view from where we stand. We can’t see below, around a corner, or from the top down. But often, it all feels complete and accurate to us in that moment. Which is fine because otherwise we would not get far or much done in our day fearing we have incomplete information and can’t proceed. it’s not possible to be looking for all perspectives at all times. But you will know when it is important to consider alternatives, because it will matter to your mind, or heart by coming back to your awareness again and again. That is when to step back, pause and reevaluate. It can seem time consuming at first, but the effort is worth it as it will grow those muscle needed and become much easier and quicker in the future. Just the awareness of this is a huge step in the right direction.
What should you do or how to start? First try relaxing your judgment, wishes, and expectations. Tune into your heart and the love that resides there. If you were a bird, with no connection to any particular person moving around on the ground below where you were flying, what might you notice? Here is one example. Maybe you see the Mom struggling to put her uncooperative child in the car seat to drive to the store, then during the drive the child wines and cries about not being able to play in the yard, later seeing that same child asking for all the cookies in the store and the mom finally loosing her patience. If you had just been the next shopper over in the cookie isle, you might have made a quick judgement of the Mom that was based on a very small sample size of data.
Now be the bird and re-fly over the expanded situation you experienced yourself. Maybe even months or years into the past. Not that you will know exactly what transpired, but you may open your mind to possibilities that you had not considered previously. And see how moments flow into other moments, and even you as the bird, can’t see it all. Things are hidden from your view. By knowing yourself to be both the judge and the judged, and your actions certainly seem reasonable given your previous experiences, know that is the case for everyone.
This allows your nervous system to calm to the point you will have much more capacity for empathy, understand, compassion and open heartedness toward others. And toward yourself as well. We are influenced by the world around us, and sometimes we are better at dealing with it than others. It is all part of the journey here on this beautiful planet. Embrace more situations instead of judging them.
A freeing sentiment!
Bringer of Light and Love. Transformation Facilitator. Lover of Mother Earth & Nature