It's ME - Part 1

Every wonder why some situations bother you way more than others? Ever think it obvious that another persons actions or in-actions was lacking consideration or self awareness and think - how could they not see it!? When I am annoyed with someone for their behavior, thinking it rude and inconsiderate, I can allow that to feel true AND know that the “perpetrator” might not be aware nor see it that way. And perhaps they also have something going on under the surface, stress or depression, pain or hopelessness, that effects their decisions. 

I am an Enneagram One. So frustration is my go to when triggered or stressed. I can now accept this about myself. If I can’t accept this, then I will deny it and never seek to improve or shift, apologize, or take other action to make things better within myself or with others in my world. But perfection, despite my perfectionist tendencies, is not the goal.

People are going to frustrate me at times, and it is not up to the world to behave how I would like it to. In fact, I hope it doesn’t. This is how the world shows ME where or what I need to work on! This is not about beating myself up or feeling I am the bad guy. There is no bad guy.  Just expanded awareness opportunities. The more we experience these kinds of things, the better we will be at pausing before we get into full story creations, judge mode or worse, say something hurtful. Until we get really good at it, at which time, we wont need as many situations to present opportunities to practice! That sounds kind of nice, doesn’t it?

In this recent frustration, he was taking on the phone, while also taking to people in the kitchen, then took a plate of pancakes, put on the butter and syrup, sat down at the table and started eating while still talking on the phone. Conversations between many trying to happen in the same space as someone who is on the phone just 2 feet away. To me it felt obviously inconsiderate. I could choose to get into all the reasons why this was so, with plenty of other options to handle it better. But I wish to come from love in more life situations and this provided an opportunity to practice. So I watched my thoughts, my reactions and just kept myself as the observer and did some intentional breathing. Not staying neutral per say, as I had many opinions in my head about it, but didn’t say anything out loud. I wanted to first dig deeper into why it bothered me so much and to what, if anything, was the appropriate and helpful thing to do or say, either in the moment, or later.

So I dug down. Besides feeling inconsiderate, If I was honest, it also added to my “proof” in my belief that some in this family are often clueless of their impact on others around them, which can feel to me to be selfish and self centered. Very loving, helpful, generous people at the same time. How could both be true? 

All families have their things. Both enjoyable and endearing while also having those things, maybe even the same ones, be challenging as well! This is the dualistic nature of living in the 3rd dimension and our classroom for experimenting, trying out different ways of being and doing, and learning more about ourselves just as much as about others and the nature of the world around us.

Digging a little deeper I had the thought - do I look for these flaws in defense of my feelings about my own family? Which is not nearly as close. Still loving, helpful, generous with each other and the larger community. But we have some estrangement in our family and don’t spend nearly as much time connecting. So maybe I was just looking for ways to soften the comparison and the desire that my family be different, through fault finding somewhere else. And bingo! There lies the crux of my frustration. Not as much as the act itself, which still could also be inconsiderate, but more frustrating for me because of all these other things. My thoughts created the discomfort and frustration much much more than the act itself. And I can own that. And get better at noticing this in order to turn down the level on my frustration meter sooner.

By practicing my breath work (offered through the Energy Codes) when things are calm and fine so that I can do it when triggered, and by remembering that there may be more to my feelings and waiting to look at things after the fact (or not), I can push the pause button then and there. This allows much more room for comfort in the moment and less stress hormone released into my system. So worth it as I am a much happier person and don’t ruminate nearly as long on things that bothered me. Which is huge! Much of our time is spent thinking about the past, or planning or worrying about the future. Breath work practices and learning to look at things differently, really shift the amount of time spent thinking unpleasant thoughts; thoughts which translate to stress hormones in the body. 

Calming the mind and avoiding getting activated, can ultimately provide a better internal state, and thus improved health and well being. I love to share these practices with others! My wish is for more and more human beings to be able to live in a calmer state more often. Think about what our world would be like if this were the case. Sounds, nice, doesn’t it?