Give Me a Pill

Do you agree that sometimes we just want something or someone else to fix us? Whether that be a person or a pill - quickly with no change necessary on our part. These days stress and busyness take most of our energy and time. People may believe or say “I am too busy to … make healthier choices, prioritize my self care or health, exercise, meditate, rest, take a class, read etc. What are you to busy to do that you know you should or would like to?

After all, I want what I want (chocolate for me!) and I don’t really want to change anything I am attached to or in the habit of doing, thinking or believing. Right? This could be a coffee, ice cream or, cough cough, chocolate addiction, or things such as criticizing myself or other people, gossiping, interrupting, blaming, focusing on the negative, playing the martyr, etc.  These types of behaviors are much easier to see in other people rather than ourselves. It is actually a gift to notice this in others and to notice what it triggers in us. It seems that the more significant reactions to others, even if it is just in our mind and not expressed outwardly, can offer a pointer at to something we feel bad about doing ourselves. Not always of course. But notice the next time you get really upset with someone else’s behavior. Is it something that you do sometimes, and be honest. Or maybe yours creates a similar feeling or effect even if the act or words are different?

At the 4 way stop - treated as such because the traffic light was out, I should have turned left AFTER the car across from me went straight. I know better but they hesitated and I went. At the very next intersection, again with no working lights, I quickly chastised (in my mind) a guy who went clearly out of turn. How soon I forgot my own oops! 

The old adage - the pot calling the kettle black, or the passage from the bible to notice that our outstretched hand pointing one finger at another person, has the remain three fingers pointing back at ourselves. We are all hypocritical at times. It is human nature. We can also become more aware of the tendency and that is the first step. Awareness. 

I used to get very defensive very quickly. I so strongly didn’t want to be thought of as wrong or bad, I would get there quickly to block that uncomfortable feeling before I even had a breath to honestly look at what was being said. I have made good progress with this and am more open to criticism, although it is still not at all comfortable. I am a perfectionist, an Enneagram 1, and type A personality. I want to be right and good! To a fault. The dark or backside of the desire itself. Being aware of this tendency helps me to look at a situation differently. For those times I don’t see it in the moment, I am more available to reflect with some level of self honestly later and make amends, if that is needed, with the other person. I am also more able to be honest in the moment with myself and the other. Still a work in progress for sure, but much headway has been made. A little easier with friends than with intimate relationships, especially my partner as we seem to be BIG triggers for one another! 

Lasting change comes from shifting the energies around a trigger or belief. There are many ways to do this. I teach some of them in my Energy Codes work.  Sometimes it is helpful to get into the details and other times it helps to stay neutral and get to the underlying or core feelings and not get the mind to involved in the where, when, who or why. Like philosopher John Gray said “what you feel, you can heal.” 

Your belief about something are often more impactful to its effect on you than the biology of it. As proven by the placebo effect. Come to find out, believing that the ice cream will add a pound to your thighs is more likely to add the pound than the ice cream itself. This is not news really, it has been proven and stated for many many years by gurus, scientist and philosophers alike. We turned away from it a while back and are just recently getting back to it. And thus we continue to underutilize our greatest gift. Freedom to choose! A belief about a situation, person, thing is really a choice. We just got so used to believing our beliefs, we forgot that we can change them! People change their beliefs all the time. You can decide and do not have to wait until someone else proves to you beyond a doubt, to change a belief. Even proof doesn’t always shift it for some. Statistics that show flying on an airplane is safer than driving in a car, does not convince some people that their fear of flying is optional. 

Where or when do you wish you could take a pill or have one doctor visit or other helpful session, but make no changes in either your beliefs or choices? When do you wish you could continue a known bad habit and not have your body point out to you that it wished you wouldn’t do that? Even if it is a tendency to be late. It would require you to do what differently? Get curious. When you react strongly to a behavior in another, note that and take a few minutes (later if you can’t at the time) to be as neutral an observer of yourself as possible and see what comes up. What would happen if you allowed yourself and others to do that thing? It might just free something inside you that ultimately shifts your experience with yourself and others. Share below in the comments about your discoveries!